So You Think You Can Dance
Competition Show
July 26, 2006







It's thursday morning and we all know why we're here! To find out which color I dyed my hair last night. Kidding, though it's now a lovely shade of black which if I can indulge for a second, was bunk! Loreal should be sued for the trauma they put me through last night. Let's just say that at 9:30 I was on my hands and knees scrubbing not only the tub but the toilet, the sink, and washing down the walls and even a door because their effin' solution didn't thicken like its supposed to so it was a watery mess and when I looked in the mirror I swear I heard people chanting... "Their all gonna laugh at you" because I looked like Carrie White at Prom but instead of pigs blood it was Loreil Water which was pretending to be hair dye running down my body. It dripped down my arm and for some reason my freak gut reaction was to fling whatever was dripping down my arm off of my arm... spraying every portion of our bathroom with black water.

9:30 folks which means I was late to see our favorite kids perform (though it was tivo'd) and because of all the trauma involved I went to bed the second the show was over which this morning dawned on me that that meant I DIDN'T VOTE last night. WTF? What if My BF Travis Wall goes home? What if Cousin Heidi doesn't get votes because people were still busy calling for Benji? I didn't vote. Do you realize that if My BF Travis Wall goes home I will personally be held responsible. A burden which we all should blame on Loreal.

Cat Deely in her skin tight 70's electric blue (sing it Debbie Gibson, sorry the second I typed Electric I thought of Debbie, me sitting in my bedroom in middle school and drawing a smiley face on my knee through my ripped jeans and wondering why my Mom wouldn't buy me Debbie's Electric Youth perfume - ah, the days...) wrap dress and tossled hair... HOT BUSINESS! Today, Thursday July 27th I proclaim my love for Cat Deely! Any haters call all just... fade away.

So here's the sitch on this week's competition. Each girl will pick a new dance partner. The male partner will pick the two dance styles they'll perform out of Cat's Hat. There are no solo performances for some reason this week. That's bothersome.

Round 1:

First up, Donyelle who picks My BF Travis Wall as a partner. Out of Cat's Hat come Hip-Hop and Quickstep. Seriously, Quickstep? Last time it wasn't so good, why not throw Krumpin' back into the mix? Geesh. Hip-Hop is first; a routine choreographed by the always amazing and always shockingly short Shane Sparks.

The routine is OOC; there are creepy pasty white masks on both sides of their heads, the movements are animalistic and raw but I have to tell you... I actually studied each move they made because looking at the masks scared the hell out of me. Where Nigel thought the masks detracted from the performance I thought it forced the audience to concentrate solely on the movements and expression in Travis and Donyelle's bodies... which was amazing! I was mesmerized by it in part because you couldn't tell it was Travis and Donyelle dancing. They were forced to rely on their bodies and not their faces - at times they moved differently and I actually wondered if they were under there. The Travis and Donyelle signature moves were gone but I don't know - to me that was a great departure for them. The music also helped put me in a trance; The new single by Fergie (the possible no longer soon to be Mrs. Duhamel).

"London Bridge" by Fergie


Um, who's Dad works for Kinko's? Did you see that huge ass 20' professional banner of Donyelle in the crowd. No 12 year old made that. That sign shamed all those arts and crafts, Mr. Sketch Smell Marker signs ususally in the audience. A new bar has been set for which all will strive to reach in the signage department. You can't get that banner at Michael's. No you can't.

Allison pulled Ivan out of Cat's Hat... wonder if the judges were trying to rig this weeks performances? Seriously, I love Ivan and Allison together but it annoyed me to no end that they were put back together given their incredible history together. Rigged.

Ivan and Allison's first routine, The Argentine Tango choreographed by Alex DaSilva. Allison all grows up folks! Wow with that barely there dress, her bangin' body, those curves, her sultry moves. WOW! And Ivan as the mysterious stranger? He was straight out of a Noir film - his stance was tall and strong; he was void of emotion in the face but his body spoke volumes. GMMR is probably deaf from all the decibels of hotness he was giving off. He was sexy shit y'all. I know, I know... he's barely legal. Remember last week when I said that the Travis/Heidi bench stare was the hottest thing on this show? I revise that statement because Allison pulling Ivan to her with her own leg was frakkin' mind blowingly hot! Then he swept her legs apart? Forget it, I was putty in their hands. Amazing. (picture me giving out a Mary Scream)

"La Cumparsita" by Orquestra Escuela de Tango



The doomed coupling was next. Natalie just happened to pull Ryan as a partner. I understand why once Ryan drew Contemporary but it was still a failed partnership from the beginning. A slap in the face of Natalie if you will. Their first dance was Disco. Disco is not a real style, is it? Don't get me wrong, I love me some Disco... I am gay after all. But as a professional style of dance in a competition? It's just so hokey and sugary cute that there is no comparing it to a Tango, the Paso Doble, or something so technically challenging is all I'm sayin'. Having prefaced with that, Natalie is born to Disco. She has such a killer body and such an expressive face. Put her up next to Danny Terrio any day; she'll turn that beat around! Ryan, eh. Over him.

"Turn The Beat Around" by Vicki Sue Robinson



Cousin Heidi pulled Cousin Benji out of Cat's Hat - folks it's the coupling we've been waiting for all season (after Dmitry and Heidi's hopes were dashed last week). Expectations were high as I'm sure we all can agree. I'll let the crowd decide this one. Oh look, there they are chanting Benji's name again. Decided... This really is the pair we've been waiting for all season. We've not seen Broadway done this well, well since forever. They were faces; they were pop; they were 42nd Street', they were the great white mormon, I mean American way!

Reverend Tyce Diori should be commended on such a lively and non-sexual routine (Can I get an "Amen" on the de-sexualizing of the cousins). You could tell they were related because they both were teeth and crazy faces. This was so much better than last week's Allison and Ryan routine. It was even better than Travis and Martha's Fosse routine back in like Week 2. Okay, over all it was better... but that Fosse routine was the one that made me love Travis. His finger snaps and Newsie hops! Darn cute.

"Fake Your Way to the Top" from Dreamgirls


Speaking of girls that are dreamin' did you see that 16 year old slut in the audience holding up the "Benji, Father My Child" sign? Send that girl to a nunery or to see Footloose's Reverand Shaw. Parents, be warned... dance can get you pregnant. Footloose has more meaning now than ever. "Benji, Father My Child"... please.



Round 2:

Donyelle and Travis with their dreaded Quickstep. Like Disco, retire this style from this competition. Donyelle called it the Hopscotch Marathon; I called it a Horse Trot; Nigel told Travis he looked like the Gingerbread Man from 'Shrek'; and Barry Manilow called them "Dancin' Fools". Who can tell. They looked completely gay and n*sync (had to, sorry). It looked better than when Natalie and Musa performed the Quickstep, I know that to be truth. It's just a strange dance, though Glenn Weiss did a great job because it was beautiful to watch. I'm scared for My BF Travis Wall and Donyelle.

"Dancin' Fool" by Barry Manilow



Ivan and Allison worked the frak out of Shane Spark's R&B tinged Hip-Hop Love Routine. They just have incredible chemistry together. They are young, agile, cute... Together I love them. Together, Ivan is unstoppable. Apart, he's just a little Boy in a Man's competition running away from a woman twice his age (GMMR).

Cat Deely: "Look at Ivan getting his flirt on" She's so cute.

I think Ivan was posing for a JC Penny's catalog there at the end. Either that or for Gap Kids. Seriously with the cutesy posing? GMMR, go scrub yourself down, you should be ashamed for thinking such thoughts of a Gap Kids model.

"Sexy Love" by Ne-Yo

Question to all: Everytime they showed Dan Karaty, did you not pray to the gods that they would have used Brian Friedman as choreographer? How fun would it have been to see the roles reversed in this dance fued? I dare Dan Karaty to call BFree out on national television.


Natalie and Ryan finally have their moment to shine with a Contemporary routine! I'm expecting good things folks. Um, I got okay things to be honest. To quote Simon Cowell: "It didn't have what we in the business call the 'wow factor'." Maybe it was the fact that Boys II Men was playing. Just a thought. To future contestants, please do not use Boys II Men for anything at all. Not even if BBD themselves show up, do not play Boys II Men. Ever.

Natalie lost her balance on her last spin session which has to be because of her knee injury (notice the brace). Ryan was a little better in the personality department but its too little too late. Sorry kid, you're going home tonight. I felt kind of bad for Ryan because during Disco Nigel flat out said to Natalie: "I feel sorry for you Natalie" and now here they are pumping Ryan up as a Contemporary god. Too wishy washy with the back-handed compliments.


"I Will Get There" by Boys II Men

Benji and Cousin Heidi... I don't even know what to say other than AMAZING. POWERFUL. SPECTACULAR. UNREAL!

Given their previous training and history together, they were able to pull off some incredibly intricate moves flawlessly. I was stunned at how complex their routine was and how perfect they nailed it. The twisty head spins were great! How'd they untangle themselves from the head wraps? The underleg spins had so much momentum I thought Heidi was going to rocket out of the theatre! It really was the fastest Mambo I'd ever seen. Alex DaSilva worked that routine out; I mean come on... even Heidi got some chanting! Jon said it best when the routine finished he looked over at me and said: "Those are your two winners right there!" If only there could be two babe.

My prediction for Bottom 4:
Ryan
Natalie
Donyelle
Travis (noooooooooooooooooooooooo)

Going Home:
Ryan
Natalie

To read up on the dilemma I'm having over Busta Rhymes performance, click here. I've still not made a decision nor have I heard a response from Fox.