Big Brother All Stars

Let’s just get it out in the open shall we? BIG BROTHER IS BACK BITCHES! Season 7 is going to be the best summer series ever, I’m talking better than Amish In The City folks. What you say, not possible… yes… that good people!

Since Chen announced this season’s twist a couple weeks ago I’ve been anxiously awaiting the Top 20 returning houseguests picked to reenter the Big Brother house. I love that America gets to vote for their favorites because America, I’ve got plenty.

Here are the Top 20 by Season:

BB1:
“Chicken George” – sure he was kind of endearing to watch and sure it was fun television to see this obese father of 30 from the sticks dye his hair and act like an ass but like he said last night… this was before BB became what it is today. There was no strategy, just watch a bunch of douches in a house for 3 months. He’s still sad and pathetic and I for one will not vote him back into this house. And I think Chen is overestimating the ratings from Season 1 because like 10 people watched and 3 of them I knew. This show didn’t kick into gear until you know who hit the screen in Season 2.


BB2:
Will (Winner – BB2) – Will changed the way we watched Big Brother. He came in as the devil and walked out as the devil who all the sudden could actually wear Prada. He was hot, had a body for sin, and was a friggin’ doctor! He was the most egotistical and devious player in Big Brother history and still my favorite! With that said, seriously Will call TrimSpa because you’re going to be spending 3 months half naked for my enjoyment and I don’t want you looking like a bloated version of yourself. Please work that bod. He won’t enter the house for another couple weeks so if he throws up every day for 2 weeks AND takes TrimSpa he will once again be hot business!

Bunky – As annoying and whiny as Bunky was, he was also the funniest thing to watch. I loved tracking his weight loss! I loved that he was the biggest gay on television (mind you, Carson and the other Queer Eyes had yet to debut) and didn’t care. I just loved Bunky. He looks great and I hope he’s got those emotions under control because I would like to see him back in action.

Monica – Oh “It’s On!” Yes it is bitch! I love Monica. All I can remember is sitting in my friends house with like 5 of us screaming “It’s On!” all that summer. We had a blast watching her and those wigs! Damn she was funny to watch. I love Monica in the long hair more than Monica with the short hair – but that’s just me! “It’s On!” Remember Monica’s cousin was in the World Trade Center on 9/11? That was insane.

Mike “Boogie” – I fucking hate Mike Boogie. Fucking Hate Him. Like, wish his stupid bar Belly would blow up and he dies in it Hate Him! If his stupid ugly fat face makes it back in this game there is a chance I’ll boycott. I’ll rent a banner to fly over that house each day that says “Mike Boogie’s A Douche” if he’s on there. Screw that Ferris Wheel for Everwood, lets get a fundraiser going where we’ll pay Chen not to let him back in! God I hate him… why would they pick him as an All Star? No one I know could stand to even look at him let alone see him for another whole summer. Gross. This is Big Brothers biggest mistake… bigger than Will Mega! Remember “Chill Town”? What an asshole this guy is. Ugh.

Missing: Nicole. Where the hell is Nicole? I loved her. I guess maybe her Husband put the kibosh on that happening again. Wasn’t she married for like 4 days before entering the house in BB2? She was awesome and I am sad she won’t be viewed again. I know Lil’ Jenn’s upset, she had a mini crush on Nicole.


BB3:
Marcellas – Who doesn’t love Marcellas? But here’s my question? Who the hell will do the weekly video on cbs.com if Marcellas is in the house? That worries me because that Gretchen chick that’s been doing it is rough around the edges. All I’m sayin’. Yeah Marcellas! Get that Gnome back out Chen, Marcellas is a shoo-in!

Danielle – As annoyed as I was with Danielle and her alliance with God Boy Jason, I have to give her credit, she made it to that final without anyone so much as blinking at her. She was the ultimate sneak and it almost paid off. Watching two strong black women like Monica and Danielle all summer could be a riot as both are opinionated and strong willed! A good match!

Lisa (Winner BB3) – Sure she won, but was she really that good of a player? I think people liked her hot body but she had an annoying voice. I could do without.

Missing: Amy! Where is my southern fag hag? Come on Chen, bust out some Amy for us please. She was too much fun and would add so much spice to this summer’s already crazy stew.


BB4:
Seriously the eX-Factor season was kinda lame if only because most of the contestants blew. There were however two great additions and they were Alison and Jun. Never in the history of BB has there been a final two that were more hated than Alison and Jun. Alison was a conniving bitch and Jun was blunt and backstabbing so when the finale came, everyone cast their vote but ripped each contestant apart in the process because they didn’t think either deserved to win. Great TV but disappointing win because Jun was so done by that point, she just wanted out.

Alison – I loved watching her manipulate each and every person in the game. She was annoying and a bitch but she really was playing the game. She ruined poor little Nathan. She bedded her ex. She even buttered up the girls in order to make it to the final 2. It worked and she was demonized. Then she went on The Amazing Race with Donny, that wet blanket of a boyfriend – that didn’t last long. Now, Alison’s looking slim and trim and I’m sure she’s even more conniving than before. What’s not to love about bringing Alison back?

Erika – Seriously? Remember her stupid ass terrycloth track suits and those horrid JBlo hats? She was not a great player and correct me if I’m wrong but that bitch was on Quaaludes when she did her All Stars interview. Slurring and slow. Maybe those fake horse teeth and titties are blocking her vocal cords. Please, do not send this brokeass Barbi into the house.

Dana – What? They are hurting for Season 4. Honestly folks.

Missing: Jun. Come on where is the winner? Jun rocks! Also, Nathan, he was hot and he’s gotta be out of that closet by now right?


BB5:
Jase – You have got to be kidding me here. Jase wasn’t funny or mildly amusing. He wasn’t even annoying he was just fake and a total douche. Remember that hair? Why on earth would they bring him back? He was just such a loser and remember that whore Holly? Oh god, they were just awful. I beg of America to not vote for him. I’m thinking of finding a 10 year old hacker to remove him from the BB voting site. I’d rather have Mike Boogie on there than Jase. Yeah.

Cowboy – For laughs and hick jokes alone he’d be worth having on for a week or two. God Cowboy… you know its bad when even your long lost sister doesn’t acknowledge you exist… after finding out on television. Is that step-kid of his still a porker? Notice he’s no longer a “Security Guard” at Target or wherever he was… Cowboy all grows up!

Nakomis – She was very fun in the game of BB. Remember her 5 finger plan or whatever it was? Who knew she had a brain for something more than Magic: The Gathering? I love that she finds out she’s related to Cowboy and could care less. I appreciate the black heartedness of it all. I’ll vote Nakomis back in.

Diane – Was there anything better than watching Drew bed Diane and then slit her throat in the final 3? Imagine that morning? She wakes up, blows him and thinks life is all roses until later that day when your own boyfriend votes you out! It was great!!! I love that she’s all bitter and witchy looking now. A bitter evil Diane might be worth watching!

Missing: Gay Will. Sure he was no Marcellas but he was very enjoyable and entertaining to watch. I guess Logo pays more than BBAS?


BB6:
This is where it gets tough folks because there were so many good players and huge personalities last summer that how can you narrow it down! I think they did a great job with their choices and afterall, all but one of those damn “Friendship Alliance” fools were rejected!

Howie – Howis is a dork but a loveable dork. He’s so harmless and simple. He’s like Lennie from “Of Mice and Men” – Howie’s that simple. “BUSTO!”

Kaysar – Oh yeah baby!!! My hot muslim is back! I loved Kaysar. America loved Kaysar. If Will from BB2 is the first lock for the All Stars team, Kaysar is number 2!

Janelle – “Bye Bye Bitches!” God remember how amazing it was last summer when we realized that Janelle was not a dumb blonde after all? She only got better as the game went on! She deserved to be in the finale if you’re askin’! So many good lines and moments from Janelle’s evil tirade against the Nerd Herd! She is a must for All Stars!

James – How can The Veto King not be in All Stars? He was one of the most hated players in the history of BB but damnit, you cannot kill him. After Cher and the cockroaches, there will also be James after a nuclear blast! James rocks.

Ivette – Here’s where I’m torn. A member of the “Friendship Alliance” does not need to be in the All Stars game. Her scary attachment to “Cappy” (god if I had to hear that once more I was going to hire someone to strangle her) was hands down the creepiest bond in BB history. I never got it. On the other hand, few people had better confessionals than Ivette. She was funny as hell in her one-on-one’s. However, she did denounce the “Friendship Alliance” last night and begged for forgiveness… she might be worth bringing back. I can’t believe I just wrote that. Wow.


So here’s what you do fans. Head on over to cbs.com and vote for which of the Top 20 you want back into the game. As far as I can tell the Top 3 Men and Top 3 Women are automatically in. The remaining 6 houseguests are then picked by the producers? Is that right? I was a little lost on that part. Regardless, you have until Wednesday June 28th to vote on your faves. Each one has a statement and a video so even if you’re new to the show you can catch up!

On Thursday, July 6th Chen will announce the 12 houseguests competiting all summer in Big Brother All Stars!

Here are the ones I’ve already voted for (today): Kaysar, James, Janelle, Marcellas, Will, Monica, and Bunky. You can vote as many times as you like from what I can tell. So get on it folks!


Here are my picks for the Top 12 All Stars:
Will
Bunky
Monica
Marcellas
Danielle
Alison
Nakomis
Diane
Kaysar
Janelle
James
Ivette

Let me know what you think of our Top 20 and who will make it to the Final 12 All Stars!