duckyxdale

3/14/2006

American Idol - Final 12!



American Idol's Top 12!


I'll start with the TOP performances of the evening:

1. Chris Daughtry
2. Katharine McPhee
3. Taylor Hicks
4. Paris Bennett
5. Mandisa

Chris Daughtry is one smokin' hot sex god when he gets on that stage! Normally if I passed him on the street I wouldn't give a second look (though I do have a thing for the sexy bald man) but sweet jesus when that man hits the stage there is this glow of electric hot sex coming through my flat-screen and I'm butter in his hands. That bumpkin mother of two wife of his needs to be one worried woman. PEOPLE ARE IN LOVE WITH CHRIS DAUGHTRY! So far, if American Idol released an album of his weekly cover songs, I would buy it. He hands down each week nails it and sounds professional and polished. He's my new American Idol, Kelly Clarkson honey I love ya but you've never done to my loins what this man has done!

Chris wins the first ever Lil Jenn "He's Got What We Call MUSICIANS MAGIC" Award! When she said that phrase to me on the phone in all seriousness like she was a trained musician or vocal judge or something I almost died! In her honor, an award has been created and will be given out each week! Tell us what you think of the Lil Jenn Musicians Magic Award in the comment section!

I'm also man enough to admit that I've got McFEVER! Katharine McPhee is this silent storm of a performer. She looks so shy and innocent but when she hits that stage its all sexy confidence and stares that bore a whole in your heart! She was incredible tonight and looked even more amazing! I was actually turned on by her performance and sex appeal. Was I the only one thinking that at any second Katharine's McBags were going to be exposed? Amen, sister is on fire and I'm turning straight!

My strange man Taylor once again effortlessly rocked the house with his ever so random stylings - proving once and for all that he deserves to be in this competition. Paris got some of her jump-jive-and-whale back tonight and my girl Mandisa banged out another power house performance! I love that big girl but will say this... you wouldn't buy mesh netting to hide the titanic would ya? The outfit did not flatter my girl in the least. Oh no! Rose Jack Rose Jack Jack Rose...

The rest of the bunch were so lackluster, weren't they? Ace again for a second week showed that he is a one trick pony that for some reason likes to hold his final stance for a couple beats WAY too long! Honey, the song ended at 8:15 and at 8:19 you're still holding that stare into the camera. Give it up Rosatia!

Chin Strap Elliot seemed so nervous and out of his element, it honestly didn't even seem like the same guy up there. His fake-and-bake is not as harsh this week and for some reason neither are the teeth. Am I easing into his looks or is that Caesar haircut distracting me?

Bucky Sarah Jessica Simpson Parker Covington
did his best Pantene Pro V Garnier Nutrisse Infomercial tonight! Who the fuck cut his hair and put that much conditioner in it without screen testing that do? Wow, that was some chick hair if I ever saw it. I could have kissed Simon because all I could talk about during the performance was that hair and I was so glad someone else made a joke (as I'm still not mic'd live into the Idol studio).

Melissa McGee, there is something soothing to her voice. It reminds me of being in a crack den when I was 10 surrounded by stoned out gypsies doing Kim Carnes covers. Hows about remembering the words next time genius!

Lisa Tucker
, I am just not with you anymore. Somehow the judges were favorable to her rendition of "Signed Sealed Delivered" but I just couldn't get there. Jon summed it up best when he replied: "You know what I say to that? RETURN TO SENDER" Oh the comedy of that man.

Pickler... go home already with those tarantula eyes. Is she for real already? "They're not really tarantulas" No shit.

Oh and finally my sweet Chicken Little, Kevin Covais! His cocky attituden of recent is beyond amazing to witness. He just cracks me up from beginning to end! I loved his version of "Part-Time Lover." Sure he's a joke but isn't he better TV than say Ace or Kellie? Come on!!!

Again, congrats to Chris Daughtry and the first ever Lil Jenn Musicians Magic Award!


Talkback y'all...

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