Jon Stewart in bed with George Clooney... That's Hot!

So the Oscars were pretty predictible this year but at least they were all socially conscious semi-indie films winning everything! Geisha somehow scored a Best Cinematography trophy which is shit because as we all know, the movie was filmed in Ventura, California not Japan and as it was at the Coolidge for a brief stint, I saw that they filmed it in a very tight manner always cheating the scenery and locales. How that beats out something like Brokeback with its sprawling scenery and gritty stock or Good Night, and Good Luck's fucking brilliant black and white period style is beyond me. In a positive Geisha note, "MadTV" reaired their spoof of Geisha starring Bobby Lee Saturday night and I again almost died laughing. It's all just so ludacris.

Also ludacris is Reese Witherspoon beating out Felicity Huffman! Sure I love me some Reese, how can you not... but her imitating a real life person, June Carter Cash, cannot and is not comparable to Felicity Huffman's shocking gender bending turn in TransAmerica! I refuse to believe she still won. Though inside I'm happy as I've loved her since Man on the Moon! Do we still think their marriage can last? I hope so, those kids are cuties.

The most horrifying moment of the night came not from putting bow-ties on Oscar but from watching the still glamorous Lauren Bacall. First off she obviously has some walking issues in her now golden years. She also now has theshakes and at one point had to hold onto the side of the podium to steady herself while she fumbled her way through a ridiculously long script that she obviously didn't memorize and plainly couldn't read off the teleprompter and it was painful to watch. You felt horrible for her and you felt pissed at the producers for doing that to her... Oh, my heart sank.

The homoerotic cowboy montage was spit-take worthy! The "paid for by..." campaign ads too made me giggle like a school girl. Jon Stewart was charming and disarming as he ripped through some Hollywood stereotypes and class issues while still embracing the celebrity of the event.

Random thoughts:
Charlize, um there's something on your shoulder.

Kiera, when are you going to let those eyes breathe honey? So dark! Oh, the eyes... what about Steve Carell's lashes? I died.

You can dress Maggie Gyllenhaal up but she still looks like a rumpled brown bag lunch. Jake got all the looks in that family huh?

Wait, Jennifer Garner almost flattened those baby bags when she came out onstage. I laughed so hard as she went flying forward!

Michelle Williams looked amazing! Her handbag looked an awful lot like Busy Phillips though, did you notice?

Jessica Alba was at the Oscars because...

Jennifer Aniston was at the Oscars because...

Does anyone know where Dolly left her ribs? Rumor has it they were succulent and tasty.

Overall, somewhat boring and safe. Some faves didn't score statues but I can deal. I have a couple quotes in my I HEARD section and also you can check out my reviews of some of these films over at my REVIEWS page.