American Idol Finale Tonight
2 Hours of Bloated Unsurprise

Seriously, lets just get it out there. America this is your next American Idol.


By the end of last night's finale I actually wanted to take McPhee and hug her, shelter her from the stampede of raving lunatics strapped into every seat of the Kodak Theatre. The whitest Soul Patrol I've ever seen in my life was out canvassing the final performance and pistol whipping anyone who dared cheer for my girl Kat! I felt horrible for her.

I'm trying to remember if I ever felt this bad for another finalist? If there was so much adoration thrown one way or the other? As much as I hate to think Taylor Hicks is really walking away tonight with the AI crown, I can't imagine any other outcome.

Kat's reception was big but each and everytime Taylor performed it took the judges 10 minutes to calm that place down. People are rootin' for their pops this year! The middle aged man is going to win and there is nothing we can do about it.

Don't get me wrong, its pretty funny to think someone like Taylor Hicks, who is almost retarded with his back bends, neck snaps, and "whoos" is the one millions of tween girls will be postering their walls with this summer. Taylor Hicks is the masturbatory pinup of desperate housewives and their daughters alike, never before has a man brought the country together. Taylor Hicks everybody!