duckyxdale

6/05/2006


Footballer’s Wive$

Here is why I love this show; this is the character description of Tanya Turner on BBC America’s website:
Let's face it: marriage to glamorous, ruthless megabitch Tanya Turner is a death sentence. Her first husband Jason tumbled from a roof, with a little help from her anoxeric friend, Chardonnay Lane. A regimen of Viagra-fueled sex got her over the bloated hump that was her second hubby, weak-hearted Frank Laslett. Now the twice-widowed Tanya aims to sink her talons into hottie Sparks captain
Conrad Gates. The one hitch? His wife Amber, a.k.a. the "Bollywood nutter," has proven an equally cutthroat rival. Season Three appeared to end in a draw, with both Amber and Tanya knocked up with Conrad's golden seed. But Frank Laslett's evil voice from the grave burst Tanya's bubble. (Rather, in a videotaped confession, he reveals that he stuck pins in all of Tanya's blessed condoms, which complicates that whole paternity issue.) Will Tanya sink to a new low to keep her sticky secret?

And Amber’s:
This frightfully unstable Bollywood star could be seen as all washed-up, with her film career far past its expiration date. Her attempts to hold on to husband
Conrad have become increasingly desperate: she faked her own kidnapping, facially disfigured her rival Tanya Turner with contaminated suntan lotion, and staged an elaborate suicide attempt. At the end of Season Three, she seemed to hold the ace card: she was pregnant with Conrad's baby. But Tanya evened the score when she also announced that she was pregnant, throwing a wrench in Amber's plans. Can she reclaim her man--and relaunch her flagging career? Keep your eye on this hot piece of "Bhangra Booty."

And the description for Season 4:
Season Four picks up right where Season Three left off, with
Tanya and Amber both pregnant and battling for Conrad's love. But are both babies Conrad's? Tanya has crafted a wicked plan to make sure things turn out perfectly!Sex, sun, soccer, and sangria kick off the fabulous fourth season of the addictive primetime soap. The footballers have left their wives behind for team "bonding" in Spain, where they spend the day at gorgeous golf courses with sexy female caddies who carry shots of tequila as well as clubs. In the evening, the party gets cranked up a notch and their poolside villas start to resemble Hef's mansion. But when the party gets out of hand, the players find themselves in hot water with the police. The fourth season also welcomes an utterly charming new player, Bruno Milligan (Ben Richards). But at home, his angry and controlling personality is driving his sweet wife Lucy (Helen Latham) into another man's arms. The team will also sign a young player on the rise, Seb Webb (Tom Swire), the son of coach Roger Webb. Meanwhile, Noah struggles with a "cure" for homosexuality, Shannon grapples with her insatiable desire for publicity, and the team's management shocks everyone when they trade a star. Secrets and lies, welcome back to the world of Footballers Wive$. Everyone plays dirty.

And dirty isn’t even the word! In this premiere alone there is baby switching, botched paternity tests, a crazy nanny, gang rape, spousal abuse, child endangerment, a Kimberly from Melrose like mental breakdown, and a dog named Krishna killing a newborn! Now that my friends is dramatic television and what makes Wive$ so delicious.

Where else can you see a woman rushing herself into an emergency C-Section just so her rival doesn’t show her up by having her baby first? Where else can you see a woman doing her nails during an emergency C-Section? Where else can an unstable prison lady become a crazed Nanny forced to rub toxic sunless tanning lotion on a switched at birth newborn so noone realizes he’s the son of a fat white bloak instead of Indian decent in order to fool paternity tests? Where else can a gay football player be outed in the media and then forced into one of those “reform” churches? Where else can a woman be gang raped and paid off to keep her mouth shut only to turn around cut all her hair off and dye it in a psychotic frenzy to seek revenge on a footie team? Where else can a dog named Krishna kill a baby in a crib and still make you laugh? Only on Footballer’s Wive$ folks.

This show is a must see. If you’ve not watched – get thee to BBCAmerica Online to read up on the previous 3 seasons of debauchery because this is better than Melrose and Passions combined! I mean, the Tanya/Amber storyline alone is worth tuning in for. Hell last season a gang killed Amber’s dog and served it as pate which everyone ate! It’s genius! You just have to watch!

If you’d like a primer, this Thursday night they are airing an hour long special called “Foodballer’s Wive$: Tanya’s Story”! This is not to be missed; it will recap all 3 seasons of evi doings by the best bitch in town Tanya Turner!

2 Comments:

  • Wait, weren't you the one who yawned at my NFL Draft posts? I knew you would come around to watching sweaty dudes who routinely pat each other on the butt.

    By Blogger Scooter, at 6/05/2006 11:28:00 PM  

  • In the case of FBW$, they on occassion do a little more than pat each other on the butt!!! Hot Damn!

    By Blogger duckyxdale, at 6/06/2006 10:38:00 AM  

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