So You Think You Can Dance
June 7, 2006

First I'll preface this posting by saying that last season I for sure thought this was the trailer park no-talent contest version of American Idol so I barely caught 10 minutes let alone a whole show. I did however see enough to know that the kid that won the whole thing had a bod for sin and that there was some girl that looked like a Russian figure skater named Snow. Snow? Seriously with that name.

So, I've secretly been watching the last few weeks to see where I stand on this show before going public. But, from the top of a mountain I scream out, this show is so much damn fun! It makes me laugh, cringe, and want to be anorexic so I too can dance like a star for Celine!

Nigel is hands down the devil. Where Simon Cowell is snarky but still looking out for the competition and the integrity of the show, Nigel Lythgoe is just pure mean and looking to ruin anyone that wastes his time. It's both bothersome and genius - must see and painful viewing. He's not being helpful and he's not being nice... is he even qualified? What are his credentials? I'd like to know. I'd also like to tell you that credentials are not everything...

The laughing shrew next to Nigel, Mary Somethingorother, is just pointless. They truly did find their Paula with this jacknut. A once pretty but now out of shape dancer that laughs hysterically for no reason and has no relevance to present day talent. That laugh? Why? If she's not on QVC in a month selling Cubic Zarconia earrings I'll be surprised. Who is this hog?

Now, there are some very relevant judges sitting up on that panel as well though... People who have the essential skills and knowledge of the industry and the footwork to judge accuratly and properly. They are choreographers Mia Michaels, Shane Sparks, and Brian Friedman - the only ones who should be up there in my opinion. Besides the fact that Mia looks like a 200 year old Earthy Lesbian (if you cut her open in the middle, you can tell her age by how many rings around her twunt) the sista can move and is quite entertaining to watch. She gets excited when someone rocks it out. All the choreographers do, and I love that personal touch, that person connection they make with the contestant because they know what its like to audition and perform while trying to learn. Shane damn near busted me up last night. He just thinks Mary Whatshername and Nigel are kooks!

My faves that we've seen so far ('cause you know its like on Idol - they only show you a portion of the ones that will make it to the finals):

Nick, the tapper with the traffic map shaved into his head. What's with the hair and facial trail there buddy? From a distance, nice to look at... up close, a full on Monet... but the boy can move like no ones business!

Musa - that's a big man my friends and I like it. He was finally able to show during his Vegas showdown that he has what it takes to run with this competition. Obviously they only saved him for TV's sake... he's got mad skills! Bitches got Served! Or something, did I sound ghetto?

Benji "Faces McGee/#1 West Coast Swinger" Schwimmer. Sure he has Jim Carrey's facial contortions with Clay Aiken's skin and hair but the boy can jump, jive, and wail like the devil on fire! And unless I missed something, that partner/cousin of his needs to be sailing on to the finals as well because that scrawny bitch can move... almost better than Benji!

Hawk from Six Step Crew. Is that a new West Side Story Gang? The Sharks, The Jets and The Six Step Crew! "Maria, I just met a girl named Mariaaaaaaaaaa" Sorry. Gayed out for a second. Obviously a blind girl with flippers cuts his hair because WTF is that all about? It's half shaved, then a side flying mohawk followed by corn rows and finished off with a fish tail or something in the back. Someone needs to take Six Steps to the Salon... and I'm keepin' it real y'all!

Billy Madison or whatever his name is from New York. The kid who looks 14 and like he could be a lacrosse player. What's his name? He had that green shirt on and he has big poofy hair. Nigel ripped into him with this completely unnecessary line: "I'm not a human being; I'm a television executive producer..." Please. The kid brought it. Leave it alone, for reals. God what's this kids name? Fine lets call him Doesn't Look Like a Dancer McGee.

The Bad but Genius:

Timothy "Using Gloves To Accentuate The Moment of My Hands" Cruz

Nigel: "Who do you choreograph?"
Timothy: "At a dance studio..."
Nigel: "You charge money to choreograph people? Timothy, you should give that money back... that's stealing from people, dude."

Angela "Pukes" Palmer

The Huh's:

What's with all the fools being "rushed" to the hospital like their appendix just burst or their about to have Rosemary's baby? A twisted ankle does not get you an ambulance ride in the real world. You could be shot lying on your apartment steps and still have to take a cab to the ER these days. Crying, sprains, bad hair... it didn't matter, the SYTYCD Ambulance was whisking you off!

When did Pickle become a dancer? That broke ass ankle chick Claire that Nigel gave a free pass to for 2007 was a dead ringer for Kellie Pickler, our American Idol idiot... Am I wrong here? That freaked me out a little. I half expected to see Ace Young up there dancing with her. What a tool. Ace Fucking Young. God, the kids a DB!

Ryan from Hawaii... how on earth is he alive? Head/Neck injuries are so scary (funny but scary) to watch. I cringed with each replay and slowmotion... Then I laughed wildly as he cried about wasting his life being a perfectionist after 13 years of dancing. Boo Hoo Hoo kid... how's that neck?

Tonight we find out who our Top 10 Guys and Girls are! I cannot wait to see which ones make it and which one's get taken away in an ambulance!


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