American Idol's Diabetes Football Teeth, Gray Hair McGilacuty, and McPheever Go Three for Three

Elliott Yamin: "Oops I just backwashed into my Colostomy Bag"

My boss at work swears that Simon et al. sabotaged our elvish friend last night. Not only does she think they picked the worst songs to showcase his voice, she also thinks Simon's comments were directly geared at making sure Elliott went home tonight. I'm not so sure on the sabotaging but I completely agree with the last part.

Simon was very adament about who he wanted in the final two next week for the finale. After watching him repeatedly shake his head after Chris Daughtry was eliminated last week, Simon was taking no chances this week. He made sure to pump up Kat and Taylor big time! He made sure America knew who to vote for. And why not. Apparently most of American's voting are blind and partially deaf - otherwise we wouldn't have the "drunken elf" and some 40 year old virgin up there in the final three.

I guess Elliott should go home tonight. I mean, Elliott will be going home tonight - it's just that I'm still really bitter over Chris' ouster last week. *I know Jimmy, save it! So in my mind having a final two other than Kat and Chris is still almost unfathomable. And I think it's very possible that next Wednesday night we will be hearing...

America, you're next American Idol is...

Taylor Hicks: God I wish there was a speeding car coming for him in that background.

Taylor Hicks! I know, you just threw up a little bit in your mouth didn't you? My fingers buckled as I tried to type it. As much as I can't stand some Taylor Hicks - his Otis Redding was okay. I say okay because really there is no comparison to my namesake Duckie Dale doing "Try A Little Tenderness" in Pretty In Pink!

And you know what? As much as I want Kat to win this thing, there is a part of me that wants Huey Lewis to win! Last year I was praying that Scott Savol would bring home the gold because it would once and for all ruin this competition and shake it up enough that they were forced to rethink the judging come 2007. Can you imagine if he wins? It's a win for all the nearing middle aged men! The balance in the world would be off. Millions of teen girls will throw their bejeweled cell phones through their 13" Hello Kitty TV;s and denounce shopping - chaos will ensue and soon Zombies will roam the earth. But, I'm up for seeing how it plays out. Taylor will be "Taking it to the Streets" soon enough I'm sure. God, imagine.

Kat Mcphee: "Why Oh Why Can't I... Find Chris Daughtry?"

Now that leaves my poor Kit-Kat! I truly do think she's a great vocalist, and sure Paula, she does look stunning. I will be crushed to watch her dreams be smashed to pieces by a gray haired white man who's fan club is called "Soul Patrol" - she's just so darn sweet and I want her to win this! Her Mom and Dad are so nice looking and with that Dad crying each week, he could be the new spokesman for Visine. Kick Wilford Brimley to the curb, bring in Papa McPhee to sell Quaker Oats! It was nutritious for a young Shannen Dougherty, it'll be nutritious for you too America! Eat it! Wait...

OH MY GOD, what about Paula's top last night? Was she wearing one? The first 10 shots of her were medium shots that only got her hair, that skank face, and about 6" of cleavage. Half the time those sagging bags were so low and uncovered that I seriously thought she was topless. Someone needs to talk to her again - straight up - she's needs an intervention. This is a family show after all is it not? *Wait (update) how friggin' hysterical was it when Taylor brought Paula up to Courtney Cox it on that platform only to leave her stranded by herself dancing like a douche? LOVED IT! See ya Paula. He just left her there! I was dying!

Anyway, back to Kat! They did need to rearrange the order of those songs. Each contestants middle song was just so much better than their last. Fact. Kat's rendition of "Somewhere Over The Rainbow" was FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC! It was that "moment" we've been waiting for from her. I was on the edge of my seat for that performance, nervous with anticipation, hoping she wouldn't choke because it was just so perfect and I wanted her to have that moment! And ya know what? She nailed it! Unreal. Is it enough to keep her another week? I hope so. My one phone vote and my one text vote I'm sure put her over the top. But just to oppose me, Jon voted twice for Taylor. Nothing wrong with a friendly competition between lovers.

Tell us your thoughts on the final three, who the final two should be, and who will win!