MTV Movie Awards � Katie/Tom

Originally uploaded by duckydale.
Katie Holmes, look out behind you � these men in the white lab coats are here to help you. Boys, her gaunter than ever pasty white arms will not stay within that straight-jacket, one tug could dislocate a joint and those once supple twigs are loose. Bring out those plastic restraints that zip closed-tightly� something Tom Cruise can�t chew through with his off centered humongous front tooth.

Those two should be sent to an Island far-far-away until Joey Potter comes to her senses or Tom Cruise dies; both are preferred. The Oprah debacle was a sight unlike any other. In horror and self-serving promotion it was hard to watch for the 90 times �The Soup� and �Best Week Ever� played it. Katie was looking disoriented and embarrassed, it was sad. His behavior does not require comment.

Then came the endless self-mockery on the talk show circuit. Tommy can ya hear me? We don�t care. Next, Tom Cruise gets in a spat with Brooke Shields and Brooke retaliates by leaving a child ticket at the box office of her London play so Cruise can bring Ms. Potter along.

When I heard that Katie Holmes would be presenting Chicklet-Center-Tooth-All-Crooked Cruise with a lifetime achievement award, I was over it before it began. This was going to be hands-down the worst moment of the awards show and it did not disappoint.

My first thought was could she be skinnier? Did Lindsay Lohan change outfits during the break? Katie Holmes is way bulimic. Evident by my second thought, look at her snaggle teeth? What�s up Jewel? She must have opened too many tin cans whilst down on the Creek. Third thought? This mocking of the Oprah incident is almost as tired as her half closed/trance-like eyes. Did the Scientologists do her eye make-up? Aliens are good for some things; make-up is obviously not one of them.

Her performance was shotty at best and she seemed like a zombie out there. What have they done with Joey Potter? For real, when she was with Chris Klein she was always well composed, fully fed, flawlessly coiffed and the make-up wholesome. Wasn�t she embarrassed knowing that Nicole Kidman was there not 50 feet from her? Kidman�s got all Tommy�s little tricks and secrets down. This only furthers my opinion that Kidman�s best move both personally and professionally was to dump half-pint space-boy when she did.

What a hoax this �couple� is. It�s bothersome to the world. Brad and Angelina should be thanking their lucky stars that someone crazier and more worrisome came along to squelch their thunder before �Mr. & Mrs. Smith� opened this weekend. Is there any chance that the backlash will kill �War of the Worlds�? I hope so.


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