Rock Star: INXS - 7.12.05

I was in Atlanta on vacation when news came across the radio as we were driving down Peachtree that INXS singer and basic hottie was found dead� of possible sexual asphyxiation � that�s hot!

I�d actually seen INXS in concert twice and really enjoyed their early recordings. It was a somewhat jolting blow � not Cobain worthy but still a little jarring to hear. More jarring was that the ice aged rockers had made a deal with the devil to hold a reality show to find their new singer � because, you know� INXS is so relevant and known to today�s tween demographics. Brilliant. Wait, did they just announce that Brooke Burke will host? Is this �Wild On: INXS�?

I skipped Monday night�s premiere for no other reason than I didn�t think about it because I almost died at the gym earlier in the day and was possibly comatose or asleep when it aired. Tuesday night I was just lying around when it came on after BB6 so I decided to stick around for a minute.

All in all, the performances were actually really good. This is no American Idol � or is it? Navarro is Simon lite while the whole INXS gang is Paula Abdul with facial hair. Honestly they must be trying to find the most saccharine Amy Grant/Peter Cetera-esque of singers because they have nothing bad to say about any contestant.

And here�s something I don�t quite understand - why is it that contestants trying out to be in INXS are not singing INXS songs? I�m not super Producer Mark Burnett so what do I know? Not much other than every blonde girl on that stage has a better chance of fucking Dave Navarro than they do of becoming Michael Hutchence lite. Now, I�m not being sexist � I actually think a girl singer winning this gig would be genius � it could officially nail the coffin shut once and for all. There is however one girl that could possibly win this whole competition which I think would be bad for her future possibilities. She�s the dreadlocked Bif Naked like rocker (Jordis) with an amazing voice and scowl to match. She�s an incredible �rock� presence onstage and undeniably talented but would winning this competition mean that she�ll be dubbed the biggest sell out in history? She�s basically joining the biggest rock COVER BAND EVER! I don�t know about this kids�

Can you imagine the outrage and freak show that TLC show on UPN will be? If a contestant shows up to audition in front of T-Box and Chili with a condom on her left eye � I�ll piss myself and wait for the beat down! Replacing a white male singer who�s fan base is even whiter middle aged persons is nothing compared to the fierce ghetto bitches all up in the Left-Eye camp. Can�t wait!