Survivor Guatemala - Premiere

I knew it was Steph and Bobby John that were coming back - too bad he's seemed to have chunked up and taken wooden leg pills or something. Did you see his dehydrated ass trying to get out of that canoe after fatty sunk in the mud? It was like a pirate trying to swing his wooden leg over the hull... they brought him back to instantly beat him down... way to go Probst! Speaking of Probst, get a haircut and a little less eye makeup while on camera. I love the guy, but for real, not looking his best on this season.

Stephanie once again proved to be a fucking beast out there in the challenge! I can only imagine you want to take the lead but at the same time, you've played the game before and everyone's looking to you (somewhat) for answers, but you don't want to be too strong or too passive. It's a really hard spot to be in but I think her tribe loves her so much they'll keep her around for a while. Shit, one girl cried when she showed up and that midget woman said she was the reason she was on the show - so I hope Steph goes far! How cute when she cried after winning her first immunity challenge in two seasons (man her team was pathetic last season)!

Can we for one second talk about that monkey in the trees? It's the scariest thing I've ever seen in my life when it starts yelling from ahigh! I'd take one look at that thing and shit my pants. I bet you that Blake didn't accidentally get punctured by that spikey tree, he flung himself full speed into it in hopes of never seeing that hollaback ape again! That shit is B-A-N-A-N-A-S!